Steve Carlsberg is a Jerk
by WinterSky101
Summary: Cecil Palmer hates Steve Carlsberg. He said that he thought Carlos was only dating Cecil so he could get close to someone in Night Vale and be able to study the various phenomena in the town. What a jerk! But what if he's right? Carlos/Cecil, references to past Cecil/Steve Carlsberg.


**So I based this off an idea that I've seen often: that Carlos is only dating Cecil so he can be close to someone from Night Vale. I think this is complete bullshit. Cecil and Carlos are IN LOVE AND THEY ARE PERFECT YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.**

**Anyway, I wrote this piece to basically show that Carlos loves Cecil completely. 100%.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Night Vale.**

* * *

Cecil Palmer _hates_ Steve Carlsberg. Which really does not need saying, as Cecil makes no secret of it, but he thinks it's important to reiterate right now. Because Steve, that jerk, is the reason for Cecil's current emotional trauma.

It all started the night before, at the PTA meeting. Cecil was there by order of Station Management, who wanted him to get statements from various parents and teachers about their opinions on the latest school program in which the students are expected to go to the library at least once every two months and get past the librarians alive. The latest intern is dead, Dana's still in the Dog Park, and there isn't a new intern yet, so Cecil was the only one that could do it. He had wanted to go anyway. Carlos had been asking questions about the science program at the school, wanting to help out with it if any help was necessary. Cecil had mentioned that at the meeting, and that Steve Carlsberg, who had brought some of his unacceptably dry scones to the meeting, had jumped in. Cecil didn't know why he was so jealous of Carlos. After all, Steve had broken up with Cecil, not the other way around. That was why Cecil hated Steve so much. Or, at least, it was part of the reason.

Anyway, Cecil mentioned that Carlos wanted to help out with the science programs at the school, and that jerk Steve Carlsberg joined the conversation with a horrible remark. He said that he thought Carlos was only dating Cecil so he could get close to someone in Night Vale and be able to study the various phenomena in the town. What a jerk!

But what if he's right? What if Carlos is just using Cecil because he knows how much Cecil cares about him, and he needs an insider from the town? It hurts even to think about it, but it could be true. Possibly. Cecil feels his breath quicken as he considers the terrifying thought that Carlos, his perfect Carlos, doesn't care for him. He wonders if he's going to panic. He wouldn't be surprised if he did.

"Cecil!" Carlos calls from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready!" Cecil takes a moment to regulate his breathing and demand that his heart rate slow down before answering.

"Thank you, darling!" he calls back. Cecil's the only one that uses pet names, isn't he? Carlos never does. Does that mean something? Could it mean Steve Carlsberg, while still a jerk, is also right? No. Cecil's being ridiculous. Carlos loves him. He must. He's kissed him and everything. Steve Carlsberg is wrong. He has to be. Cecil's growing panic is unnecessary. Completely unnecessary, and his heart needs to stop beating so fast and his lungs need to stop panting for breath so harshly because there's _no reason for it._

"Cecil?" Carlos calls again. He sounds a little worried this time. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just lost in thought," Cecil lies smoothly. He doesn't like lying to Carlos. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. But he can't say what's bothering him either, and he's not really full-out lying, more just manipulating the truth.

"Come on in for dinner," Carlos calls. Cecil nods and stands mechanically. He goes into the bathroom, washes his hands (Carlos is very particular about that), and enters the kitchen.

Carlos is standing by the table, holding a steaming plate in each hand. They both have various foods on them (all wheat and wheat by-product free, of course) and everything looks delicious. Cecil knows he won't be able to eat a bite.

"Are you alright?" Carlos asks as Cecil sits down. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," Cecil replies. He sounds a little different than normal, but he doesn't think Carlos will pick up on it. "How was your day?"

Once Cecil gets Carlos talking about science, he can go on and on without stopping forever, it seems. Cecil picks at is food and struggles to keep from freaking out at the fact that Carlos never mentions Cecil at all when he talks about his day. Cecil always mentions thinking of Carlos when he talks about his day at the radio station, but now that he thinks about it, Carlos normally doesn't. Oh no oh no oh no Steve Carlsberg is _right_! Carlos doesn't love him!

"Cecil!" Carlos says loudly. Cecil jumps.

"Yes?" he asks. Carlos is giving him a strange look.

"Are you sure you're alright? I've been trying to talk to you."

"I'm sorry," Cecil apologizes. "Just lost in thought."

"What are you thinking of?" Carlos asks. Cecil's lips thin out a little. "Oh." Carlos sounds disappointed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's nothing important. Keep telling me about science," Cecil suggests.

"I've pretty much told you about my whole day," Carlos replies. "Well, except for the best part."

"What's that?" Cecil asks with a sort of dull curiosity.

"Coming over to see you," Carlos replies with a crooked smile. Cecil almost bursts into tears. Steve Carlsberg _has_ to be wrong. He _has_ to.

"Cecil?" Carlos asks, sounding worried. "Cecil, is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Cecil whispers. "I'm just... I'm sorry."

"What's wrong?" Carlos demands. "Did something happen at work?"

"It was last night," Cecil admits miserably. He's a terrible liar; he can't imagine how to come up with something other than the truth to tell Carlos. "At the PTA meeting. Steve Carlsberg..." Cecil swallows to push back tears. "He said you were only dating me because you needed an in with the town."

"He said _what_?!" Carlos demands, horrified. Cecil shrinks into the chair. "What the hell is his problem?"

"Um..." That's all Cecil has to say, because Carlos has truly gotten in on a rant.

"Who the hell does he think he is, saying something like that? What, does he think he can just tell you bullshit like that and it's okay?"

"Who says it's bullshit?" Cecil asks cautiously. Carlos's eyes go wide.

"I do!" he replies. "Cecil, you can't tell me you _believe_ what he told you!"

"Well, he knows how I am as a boyfriend. He broke up with me," Cecil admits shyly. Carlos looks at Cecil with the air of someone who's just figured out the answer to a big mystery.

"So _that's_ why you hate him!" he exclaims. "What happened?"

"That's not the point right now!" Cecil protests. "The point is that Steve Carlsberg-"

"Lied. Steve Carlsberg lied," Carlos says firmly. "It wasn't true. None of it is."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Oh." Cecil feels like the weight of a few of those ten-pound dead animals from the Glow Cloud has been lifted off his shoulders. "R-really?"

"I love you," Carlos replies, taking Cecil's hand.

"Neat!" Cecil replies immediately. His eyes go wide. "I mean, I love you too!"

Carlos just laughs. "I know you do," he says, taking Cecil's hand.

Steve Carlsberg is a jerk.

And he's also wrong.


End file.
